Paralyzed!

I have had this idea for a blog for a very long time. It was stored away with all my other GREAT ideas until recently a girlfriend and I made a pact to start blogging. We decided to use the blog trend as a tool to build confidence and to hone our writing skills. Hopefully as a result, we'll end up with a few good pieces to include in a professional portfolio of samples.

It was for this reason that I resurrected my idea of a sort of grown-up diary. Here I am, well into my forties, and I feel as if I am just as screwed up as I was when I was 15. The issues are still pretty much the same: my weight, my love life, my insecurities, my fears and what I want to be when I grow up.

Back then, all it took to work out a problem was a marathon telephone session with a close girlfriend followed by an hour or two with my favorite fountain pen and my hardbound journal. In no time...problems solved!

Maybe the modernized system will work just as well. Keep the girlfriend(s), add a bottle of wine and a laptop. Once again, problems solved!

I started the process by following my typical protocol. I thought about the idea. I thought about it. And then I thought about it some more. I made an initial plan, then I thought about the plan. I let the ideas marinate for a day or two at which time I analyzed it all. I made some changes and then set out to think about it a little bit more.

Meanwhile, my enthusiastic, or some may say "showy" girlfriend, had already started her blog and had made 7 or 8 entries. They were pretty entertaining reads, the lot of them.

It was a pact, so I pushed myself to come up with a blog name. Then I thought about it. I ran it past a few people and even little Miss "over achiever" approved. A week or so later (You can't be too hasty about these things.), I created an account on Blogspot, chose the design and added the definition of Neuroses to lure the reader. I went “Live”, planning the first entry to follow shortly. But wait! First I needed a plan!

I started to create a mental schedule of topics and an editorial calendar. I brainstormed ways to get the word out to attract followers; people who will engage so that together we can work through common problems. I was encouraged. I was on a roll.

It was about then that ole "O.A." called my attention to the DREADED TYPO in the name of my blog. I had feared the word "neuroses" would trip me up. I swear I checked it, or so I thought. I was horrified that MY BLOG had been sitting out there LIVE all this time with a TYPO. It needs to be FLAWLESS if I am going to put myself out there in front of the world. It needs to be PERFECT!

I knew I needed to take a step back to conduct extensive analysis in order to prevent that unbearable shame and embarrassment from ever happening again!

This was weeks ago and several more blog entries by my pact-mate. The pressure is on.
Now, here I am on a balmy, Sunday afternoon in May doing anything to avoid the painful process of paying bills. So I say to myself, “Why not take a few moments to get back to that blog thing? “

Still avoiding the original task at hand, I opened a bottle of wine to get the creative juices flowing. I was only a few sips in, when it suddenly occurred to me to scrap the plan! I realized that I needed to JUST DO SOMETHING to get myself out of this blogging black hole. "What if I were to mix the intro with the first editorial?" "Hmmm, I'm not sure. Maybe if I sleep on it for a day or two?"

O.M.G.! MAKE THE DECISION and OWN IT!

I like to think of myself as a rational, contemplative person but this sort of situation occurs almost daily. It must make my husband crazy!

HELL, I make myself CRAZY!

In so many ways, my need to over-analyze the pros and cons of any given situation keeps me paralyzed. Just like this blog assignment, I must DO SOMETHING to break myself out of this personal black hole I have created.

From this day forward this will be the mantra for my life...

It’s time to STOP PLANNING and START DOING!
I will NEVER ADVANCE UNTIL I take the FIRST STEP.
And...expect a typo or two along the way;
those who love me will BE THERE to CATCH THE ONES I MISS.

Noun: neu•ro•sis \nu̇-ˈrō-səs, nyu̇-\ pl. neu•ro•ses \-ˌsēz\:
a mental and emotional disorder that affects only part of the personality, is accompanied by a less distorted perception of reality than in a psychosis, does not result in disturbance of the use of language, and is accompanied by various physical, physiological, and mental disturbances (as visceral symptoms, anxieties, or phobias)